Movies, Ruminations

This Week’s Wrap-Up: The Revenant, Room, and Baby Rey Kitty

Whoa—hi, 2016. I haven’t written in here for a few months. I’m going to try to implement a weekly wrap-up series to try and motivate myself to write more “for myself.” I’m trying to come up with a punchier title, but this will be the placeholder in the meantime. Here are the highlights from my week:

1. So much Oscar-movie binging. My wallet can’t handle it. On Sunday, the BF and I had basically lived at Arclight and finally watched The Revenant and Room, two movies I’ve been jazzed to watch since last year. Both are very good, and both will leave you with frozen tears of WTF JUST HAPPENED THESE LAST 3 HOURS?!

WhatIFeelLike2

You go, Leo. You go, Bri. We almost did what I’ll call a “Domhnall Double” and planned on watching Brooklyn AND The Revenant, but we wouldn’t have had time to sneak in Chipotle tacos and that would’ve been problematic.

2. Getting this text from my parents—my dad’s 60th birthday is this Sunday.

Papatext

Mamatext

I feel like I’m an asshole of a kid and don’t really give great presents to my parents. I’ll give them a book here or a spa certificate there, or I’ll try to buy them dinner when I’m home. But they’re really, really hard to shop for, and it’s extra tough to give them something meaningful. But I made my dad a Shutterfly Book, using pictures they accidentally left on my laptop like 5 years ago. I’m glad my “designing” while watching 16 Catfish episodes for a whole week has amounted to something.

3. Dany cat has recently been doing this thing where she climbs on top of Ben and I when we’re sleeping, proceeds to walk all over us, and then sits on our legs, causing us to be immobilized by her sweetness. Sounds creepy, but look:

Dany

4. Speaking of cats (I’m always speaking about cats), I discovered this fucking cute cat and love her. AND her name’s Rey! (Don’t tell Dany!)

Rey2Rey1Rey3

5. I’m 80% into Career of Evil, the third book  in the Cormoran Strike series—AKA the Robin Ellacott is a badass bitch series. So far this has been the strongest out of the trilogy. I’ve been renting a ton of e-books lately, and this one just expired so I’m Primed this baby so I can finish it. Now ya’ll look at this Cuckoo’s Calling fan art by artist Jean Frederic Koné:

Collection-TheCuckoosCalling

6. Finished work projects that seemed forever in my que: this blog post about “ussies” and this video of the Knock Knock boss lady talking business.

7. The most ridiculously amazing Twitter dramadey of the century is getting made into a movie. And James Franco is directing. I remember last year when this story caused a ruckus in our office and people had to explain what “trap” and “trick” were to me (and I still can’t remember what it means.)

8. My fireplace works. After a year and a half of living in this apartment, I can happily say that my fireplace now actually works. Not that I really need it in Los Angeles, but guys it’s cool! Lannisters blessing the fireplace:

Fireplace

Byee.

—M

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Literature, Movies

Dear Peeta Mellark . . .

I recently finished up The Hunger Games trilogy, and do agree with everyone else and their mother that the first two books were solid, while the last book unraveled at a rapid pace.

I do see a bit of myself in Katniss. The hard-around-the edges persona, the long, braided hair, and the embedded interest in bow and arrows. But, I won’t ruin anything for the people who still want to read the books. I won’t even allude to any plot lines.

But, I will admit my love for Peeta Mellark. Even if he’s the opposite of every dude I’ve ever had relations with—sensitive, fluid vernacular, blonde. Yeah, I should definitely shoot for more of the Peeta-type.

. . . And that is all.

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Celebrity, Movies

Viernes es mi salvador.

Oh Henry! (had to.)

Thanks Google Translate, you’re the best.

It’s sad knowing I spent about $4,000 at UT for Spanish credits, and I can’t even remember how to say Friday.

Anyways, Happy Friday mi amigos!

I’m in a SUPER good mood because I just saw a pic of the new Superman, Henry Cavill (The Tudors, Stardust). OF course he’s UBER attractive. And I don’t expect anything less than the best for the Man In Tights. I mean, Tom Welling AND Brandon Routh were both Mr. Kent, and they’re fine pieces of … well, man. And since they are so good-looking, it’s alright that they can’t act worth a dime. But I have faith in Henry. He was actually supposed to play Edward Cullen, dontchaknow. I’m relieved he chose the right franchise… Jeebus.

Here’s what my plans are this weekend:

+ Spend about and hour or two hours on this website. Pure genius.

+ Dig my toes in Santa Monica sand and ride some rides on the pier. Or throw Cheetos at Seagulls. I hear that’s a smart idea.

+ Give a toast Sunday night to Richard Nixon in honor of President’s Day on Monday. If it wasn’t for you Mister Nixon, Deep Throat would just be a porno.

+ Eat some Ciroc-ified cupcakes. Yes, I did turn Ciroc into a verb. Ya jealous? Anyways, my roommate wants to try out some cupcake recipe with Ciroc in it. Do Diddy proud.

+ Watch a movie. ANY movie. I wish that new Topher Grace movie was out already. I’m sure it’s terrible, but who cares? Anything is better than freakin Gnomeo and Juliette. I’ll pay $10 to see Topher galavant across the screen any day. Plus Anna Faris is in it, who is pretty annoying. But I did see her last week, so we’re sort of like closet BFFs.

And that’s all I can think of. Hopefully your weekend is just as awesome.

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Celebrity, Movies, TV

Comedy Central’s 1st ever Comedy Awards

The old logo is SO much better than that shitty backwards C.

Trailing Deadline.com’s breaking news… It’s about time they put this into works!

Comedy Central and MTV are launching the first-ever Comedy Awards, which I assume is a big F-U to “high-brow” award shows like the Emmys and the Golden Globes that don’t think the absurd lives of 5 assholes running a bar is deserving of recognition. (It’s Always Sunny deserves some kind of award, other than a place on my DVD shelf.)

The awards show spans both TV and film and has 15 different categories, including Comedy Series, Stand-Up Special and Comedy Directing.

What sucks about this, is everyone watching expects them to bring the funny. Everyone laughs at lame jokes during the Emmys, the Golden Globes, the Grammys and the Oscars because all people expect are yawns. Maybe this award show is just a ginormously huge prank?

Read the nominees here.

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Movies

Books that should be movies

[originally blogged at 6:13am]

I’m wide awake, and I’m not sure why.

I’ve started doing web uploading for The Daily Texan, which means I start at 12am, and finish at like 2am. And it’s really beating my sleep cycle back to my youthful days, when I used to stay up til sunrise watching “Brady Bunch” marathons on Nick at Night.

I digress.

After re-reading my post about the Sweet Valley High movie, I realized that there is so much potential in re-creating childhood favorites. Because nostalgia is like Vicodin: It numbs you a little bit, and makes you feel a slightly better inside. Don’t we all get addicted to nostalgia in random spurts?

Anyways, here’s the list:

1. Amelia Bedelia

Yeah, our favorite, literal-minded maid was actually a nimrod. But she was loveable in an awe-shucks, wag your finger kind of way. I’m not sure about you, but whenever I read the books, six-year-old me really wanted to grab her shoulders and shake her profusely and just yell “A JELLY ROLL IS A DESSERT! LOOK AT WHAT YOU’VE WASTED!”

Who should play her? Amy Adams, of course. She’ll light up the screen without being annoying.

2. Encyclopedia Brown

He was the boy detective that charged a quarter per case. God, kids back then worked for real cheap! Anyways, before he solved a case, he would close his eyes and take a deep breath, and ask a question that ultimately results in a solution. He was like a boy House or something. And I admit, I never had the patience to solve the mysteries myself and always flipped to the “Answers” section.

Who should play him? I almost said Justin Bieber, because I couldn’t think of any other ten-year-old boy. Then I realized that Skandar Keynes could definitely pull it off, even though he’s like 17 or something now. He’d be perfect.

3. The Boxcar Children

They lived in a random boxcar and used an “ice box” to keep their forest berries cold. Henry, Jessie, Violet, and Benny were basically the foundations of the “Man Vs. Wild” series. Yes, I’m pretty sure these orphans should’ve received royalties to the show. If it wasn’t for their Grandfather picking them up and what not, i’m sure they’d be millionaires and would then be The Mansion Children.

Who should play them? Henry was the most well-to-do and oldest of the bunch. So he deserves to be played by that guy from Kick-Ass, Aaron Johnson. Jessie is responsible and motherly, and should then be played by Megan Fox, you know, to attract the male readers. Violet was always kind of a whiney biotch, so I’m sure Miley Cyrus could play her well. And Benny would run his mouth like no joke and is supposed to be like five or something. Perfect for J. Bieber.

4. Artemis Fowl

This guy is legit. He has vengeance and family values pumping through his veins, and won’t let anyone – not even the fairy police (Yes, the fairy police, get in his way.) With his wits and high-tech gadgets,  I really wish I could high-five him.

Who should play him? None other than the suave Logan Lerman.

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Celebrity, Movies, Music

Weekly Rundown

Just in case you’re still recovering from this weekend and feel too lazy to read up on what’s important in the now, here’s my personal rundown:

1. Batwoman is a lesbian.

Kate Kane, aka Batwoman, will now have her own penned comic book series and is apparently the first openly gay superhero in the D.C. Universe. I read that she had a relationship with Renee Montoya, aka The Question. First Spiderman loses his job due to ecomic times, and now Batwoman is a lesbian It’s like comic geeks are trying to live in reality or something, wtf.

2. Europe to open air traffic tomorrow

After almost a week after northern Europe shut down all flights, European officals now say flights will be possible. According to some fancy-schmancy agreement, the area will be broken up into three zones, with zones one and two allowing flights to resume. Hooray!

3. Jersey shore spin-off to film in Boston

Those crazy bitches behind Jersey Shore  are at it again. Only instead of finding guido and guidette talent, they are now seeking obnoxious Bostonians for a Jersey spin-off, titled “Wicked Summer.” The casting site says that producers are specifically looking for people who “don’t take sh*t from nobody – least of all each othah. You believe in God, family,the Red Sox and partying!!”

4. Harold and Kumar: “A Very Harold & Kumar Christmas” 

The lovely duo, Kal Penn and John Cho are teaming up once again for “A Very Harold & Kumar Christmas,” which will be less retarded than it sounds, I bet you!  Written by the same writers from the first two movies, this one will come out hopefully in 2011 and will surround the holiday craziness.

5. Austin Police Department releases 911 tapes after IRS office attack

The Austin Police Department released the 911 tapes of IRS employees who were victims of an plane flying into their IRS office building, flown by an extremely troubled man.

Free Music Monday, ya’ll:

“Melancholy Hill” – The Gorillaz. Do not listen to this if you do not want to hear catchy,  amazing music. It’s at your discretion.

And you can Click to download the song here. You’re welcome.

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Movies

Sweet Valley High to the bigscreen

Ever since I was a wee little gal, I’ve stashed Sweet Valley books in my library collection; I was always on Team Elizabeth, thinking Jessica was quite the B.

Even though my reading level has slightly grown since then, [I still keep Wayside School books with me], I died a little bit inside when I heard Diablo Cody (Juno, Jennifer’s Body)was writing a screen play for the upcoming movie, Sweet Valley High.

After they already butchered Nancy Drew’s image with Emma Roberts casted as my favorite teen sleuth, I’m hoping the casting for Sweet Valley High won’t be too regretful. I’m a fan of the 1994 “Sweet Valley High” show though.

Inspired by The Frenzy.com, I’ve decided to cast Sweet Valley High:

1. Jessica and Elizabeth Wakefield. The main characters of the series, and identical twins. One is a bitch, the other is a saint.  Hayden Panettiere? I know, it may be weak sauce. But give me a blonde actress in her under 25 who dominates the screen. And don’t say Dakota. Thanks.

By flickr.com/biggerpictureimages

2. Todd Wilkins. Elizabeth’s on-again-off-again boyfriend. Chace Crawford. An easy pick, and not because of his looks, but because he will forever play a dude in high school.

By flickr.com/carolyne

3. Lila Flower. Jessica’s rival/best-friend. Who better than Leighton Meester? I mean, she already nailed playing the rich bitch so well in GG. Second runner-up would be Nina Debrov. She’s so saucy.

Leighton and Nina

4. Enid Rollins. Elizabeth’s bff. Probably a girl-next-door type, like Lizzie herself. Brenda Song. Yeah, she’s pretty much the yappy, Disney tween that you want to slap (among others…). But she has some comedic/acting potential. Maybe.

By Flickr.com/haleyr123

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