These are real words that have actually been spit on and all around me, leaving me angry and dumbfounded and just, well, ugh, here we go:

1. Actual comment: “We have drink specials on the menu that I think all the ladies will especially enjoy, like the Melon Summer Spritz, Peachy Keen, and all the Skinny Cocktails. And I see we have a mix of guys and girls at the table. Guys, if you’re okay with it, I’d like to do the gentlemanly thing and start orders with the ladies . . . ”

2. Actual comment: “It’s okay. You’ll never be able to climb Mt. Kilimanjaro, but that’s okay.”

3. Actual comment: “Maybe if you wore some eyeliner, you’ll get a boyfriend!”

4. Actual comment: “I don’t want to be with a woman who makes more money than me. That would make me feel weird.”

5. Actual comment: “Yeah she went down on him in the back of a car. She’s such a slut!”

6. Actual conversation:

Person: “I’m not good at women things.”

Mel: “What are ‘women things’? Like what kinds of things?”

Person: “Like shopping and dressing up and putting on makeup.”

Mel: “What in the fuck?”

7. Actual comment: “I want a girl first. Actually, I want a son first and a daughter second, so that he can protect her.”

Overheard anything ridiculous you would like to add to the above? Sound off in a comment.