After watching the first episode of Pretty Wild, the new reality-wannabe-celeb drama show on E! that follows a former playboy model and three wild-child daughters, I really wish integrity came in pill form, just so I could slip some into these girls’ drinks.
There’s something about these chicks that just make me want to scream. And I’m talking about the four of them, mom included:
1. First of all, what justifies Andrea Neiers to teach/home school these girls? Her only textbook is “The Secret,” which literally seems to be her bible too. No wonder these girls are so messed up…
2. Tess Taylor looks like Kelly Clarkson. And her smokey, I don’t-give-a-fuck attitude just makes me laugh, cause, well, I just see Kelly Clarkson.
3. I guess E! got lucky with the goldmine that is Alexis Neiers. I mean, the 18-year-old just so happened to be caught in a celeb robbery ring (the bling ring) the first week of filming? Why do I feel like something in there was staged.
4. Seeing Alexis and Tess pole dance to vie for the coveted spot to be the leading girl in Mickey Avalon’s stripper/rock video was disturbing. And for Mickey Avalon? Gross. I thought the girls wanted a real career.
5. What is up with the whole “And so it is” ohm-like prayer the family keeps on incorporating whenever one of them fucks up, and the Hindu-like statues everywhere in the house? Who the hell do they think they are? They seem to have created some sort of buddhist/hinduism/christian hybrid that focuses on “positivity.” What the hell?
6. The whole Biatta campaign was a bit weird. I know Tess is like 19-years-old, but she looks like a baby prostitute in that lingerie.
7. Thank goodness 15-year-old Gabby Neiers is in that family. She seems to be the ONLY one with a head on their shoulders, or at least one with the most common sense. With a delusional mom, and two trashy sisters, I’m sure its gotta be hard. But she is still mildly dumb – evidence: the whole car ride scene to the jail. (Oh, wait, spoiler alert.)