– Come from a small town, but have a “BIG” personality. We emphasize BIG because it’s ambiguous enough that it’s interchangeable with “slutty.”
– Have parents who are either addicted/have been addicted to coke, alcohol or meth. It’s a plus if they’re still coked up and you have to support your 15 brothers and sisters while somehow finding a way to put yourself through college. We want intelligent people on this show, folks.
– Be open about your sexuality, even if that means spilling the beans about your bi-curiousness. Porn star pasts are always good to mention.
– Be recently single. It slows us down when you’re significant other keeps ringing the damn phone or playing phone tag while you’re hooking up with a roommate. Or fellow roommates. Or fellow roommate’s best friends. You’ll be on the REAL WORLD. None of this “being faithful” crap.
– Have a low tolerance for alcohol. We’re talking one shot of Malibu and you’re blacking out. The more belligerent, the better.
– Have NO morals. Unless it’s a moral hyperbole. Gay marriage advocates are only allowed in a house with at least one extreme Conservative. Same with vegans: you’re boring unless someone throws a steak at you.
– Be skinny or “healthy.” You still represent MTV and we don’t want disgusting people on our network. We even help those muthas out, (cue in “I Used To Be Fat”).
– DO NOT BE AN ASIAN MALE. They’re never attractive enough and will screw up our already measly ratings. We’ve never had any on the show, and we aren’t gonna start now. Ching chong ting tong ling long.
– DO SOMETHING CRAAAZZZYYYY!!! (As the Jersey Shore kids would say.) Cause we’re pretty much the same show, only we came first but decided to be super sleazy in the last decade. Also, we actually like putting you guys in an amazing, bougie house. Plastic cups aren’t used as”glassware.” AND we actually kick you off the show if you hit another roommate.
– Watch the American Skins. Cause no one does. And we want unique individuals.