Things I would tell my past self . . .

It’s one in the am, and I’m still awake. Well obviously. I worked on work stuff a little bit (if the redundancy of that statement irks me as much as it irks you, we should grab drinks later), watched two episodes of “Game of Thrones” (shit is getting real!), and started perusing online stores for clothes I can’t afford. So it was a typical day in the life of Mel.

High school Mel. I still have that “You’re a douchebag!” face.

Anyways, this amazing blog inspired me to go back through old photos (mostly high school and early college life) and reflect upon what’s definitely shaped who I am now. Don’t worry, I’m not going to get all emotional and poignant on you, and write as if I’m having a total epiphany, because I’m not.

Screw the “If I knew then what I knew now . . .” cliche (and I hate quoting cliches). Because then I wouldn’t be who I am now, now would I? (Tongue tied, bitches!)

Still, it is kinda fun to reflect (in a cheesy way).

Here are 10 things that I would tell my pre-high school, pre-college self (that is, if I wanted to avoid living life altogether):

1. Don’t second guess yourself–even for a split second–when that chick gives you advice to wear makeup in order to “get a boyfriend.” Continue to avoid wearing makeup, and embrace your extra 15 minutes of sleep like you always do. Also, boyfriends are overrated anyways.

I thought copying Ferris Bueller was cool.

2. Practice piano, practice piano. Even though father is pushing you to do it, you’ll take it for granted and find out later that you truly miss it–and actually love it.

3. Don’t agree to a piggy back ride, knowing full well that the piggybacked person is inebriated. Also, don’t try jumping on someone’s back for a piggy back ride while near cars, while inebriated.

4. If the guy’s an asshole, and everyone’s telling you he’s an asshole (even himself), guess what–he’s probably an asshole. And it inevitably won’t work out, but you’ll be fine. And then you’ll later realize you’re lucky you dodged that bullet.

5. Try meeting new people outside of your group. Yes, the majority of people at your school are idiots–they cheat, flaunt their expensive shit, have terrible grammar/speech, and think they’re “too cool for school” because they smoked pot in the bathroom. Not everyone is a complete idiot.

6. Freaking, have your license and registration ready for decal day! Otherwise, look forward to bumming rides off of friends during senior year.

Constant vigilance.

7. Next door neighbors are off limits. Bad. Idea.

9. Try to understand what she’s going through, because she needs you the most. And make sure you purchase your patience in bulk, because you’re really going to need a LOT of it.

8. Don’t tolerate friends, no matter how close they are to you, who ultimately don’t have your back–it’s as simple as that (hey, that rhymed)! And you will be pissed because people will choose her side during a sudden “chasm.” But it’s okay, because think of the fallout as a Brita Filter (only for friendships).

10. Don’t wear polo shirts, you look like a prick. Try wearing dresses instead, you’ll be surprised at how much you wish you would wear them more.


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